It's almost Christmas, I brought your wreath out to you earlier this month. We all miss you so much. I love you! xoxo

Love, 
Chapin 

This time of year is hard, especially mid October through November. I can feel the weight begin to lift a little once we get past November 29th. I miss you so much. We were out with a couple of other couples the other night and the wives were best friends...it made me miss you more than the usual dull ache I feel day in and day out. I miss hanging out with you. I cannot stand that I still don't understand what happened to you or why. Some days are harder than others. I know it would break your heart to see all of us here left hurting so badly, I know you are in a beautiful safe warm place surrounded by happiness. And some days that's enough to comfort me. 

The boys are getting so big, Trevor would totally freak you out with what a young man he is now, but he still cherished the York Peppermint Patties, that is a memory of you he will always have. Sterling is on the verge of starting to talk more I just know it. He's such a little personality and has all of us wrapped around his little finger, you would love him to pieces I just know it. 

I stay in touch with your sister and I'm so excited for her getting to go to PA school soon, she is such an amazing woman, just like you. I plan to stay in touch with your mom as well  especially when Jess leaves for school. Jessie told me that your mom has finished your memory book and that she looks forward to sharing it with me in the near future, I look forward to it and yet dread it a little bit as well. I think you would understand. 

I love you and I miss you.....

Love, 
Chapin

How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to...

Birthday

yesterday was your birthday. I don't think the fall season in general is ever going to be the same for me. the pain and hurt will lessen with time, but the memories will never fade and the hole inside will never fill, but that is ok. it is. I know that God has you in His arms and so I will keep you in my heart. I miss you so much....

Love, 
Chapin

Too Long...

I've been away too long, I know. Although I've talked to you a lot away from here. I just wanted you to know that I miss the little things. I miss calling you the minute something goes right or wrong. Calling you to vent, to laugh, to cry. I miss hanging out with you on my deck drinking a glass of wine. There's just a lot going on right now, good and bad that I don't get to hear your take on. It's hard. I'm blessed to have a husband who is my best friend, and I have Kendy, and I have family and all the girls....but, it's not exactly the same. You will always be missing. Your laugh. There is always going to be a Blondie shaped hole in my life for as long as I live. Some days that's harder to deal with than others.

I miss you...

-Chapin

We miss you.....XO

Love,

Chapin

Another Loss.....Another Gain for God

Blondie, if you could just find Brett and hug him for us, that would be great. And I know he will hug you for me. So many losses in a short time here but God has certainly gained some amazing angels. You are missed....I love you

Love,
Chapin

Dear Blondie- 


We ran the Jig this past Saturday, it was gorgeous weather, can you believe it? Someone from Amway saw my shirt during the run, or in my case, plod, lol....It was sad, but nice to know they are all still thinking of you there as we all do every day. I got beat by a couple of really old speed walkers, but I'm telling you, like Kim said, they were like Olympic speed walkers. hahahahahahaha....


Saw your dad, mom, sis, and Dave & Toni as well, everyone looks great and seems to be doing well. It's good to see them and feel closer to you. 


I have some bad news that I just need to say out loud even though it pains me to do so. Sarah's husband Brett.....he's not doing well Blondie, not well at all, I think he may be joining you sooner than we thought. I don't understand. I know I'm not meant to. That's what everyone says. But I don't understand how I lose 2 young people in my life, 2 young people that I was not/am not ready to say good bye to. And it's painful either way, losing someone the way I lost you or watching it slowly happen...I cannot even articulate the hurt and ache I feel for Brett, Sarah, and Dalton. It's unbearable to even think about. And I feel so helpless....I don't know what I can do or say or how to even help. 


I wish you were here....I miss you....


Love,
Chapin

*Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

I am depressed. I have been for at least a good couple of weeks. It seems to just be a general deep funk. I just feel sad and upset by all the unfairness in the world, which is dumb, I know, because God always has a plan, and we are not always meant to understand. But sometimes those plans are a struggle for some. I struggle with why you were taken. I struggle with why Brett, Sarah, and Dalton are going through what they are, I struggle with what a family I don't even know is going through with their 4 year old. I follow their blog, it's devastating, yet they are amazing, like Sarah is amazing, like your family is amazing to me. SO why am I a sad train wreck?! BAH! It shall pass. 


 Tomorrow is your charity zumba event, and I think it is going to be hard. But we will all be together so that will make it easier. It's a great message. So important to get out there.  I hope you will be with us. You will be, you always are. I miss you....


Love, 
Chapin 

Just missing you...

I miss you. I miss you all the time but some days are harder than others. Today is a harder day. there are so many things that happen that I imagine telling you and hearing your laugh. :)

You are missed....always.

Love,
Chapin

Running

I am slowly but surely getting back into running, I go during my lunch hour at work. Today I went 2.1 miles in 30 minutes. I am slowly building back up to where I was before I got pregnant. One mile at a time.

Love-
Chapin

Air Quotes.....

Everytime I use inappropriate air quotes I think of you still and always will. Like when A had his danger Ranger and I was telling you a story about it and I air quoted "truck" and you looked at A and said 'Isn't it a pick up truck?' Yes. Yes it was. But I air quoted "truck" anyway. I still use them inappropriately ALL the time. It's charming and quirky. hahahahahahha....

Sterling tried pureed strawberries for the first time, he loved them. :-) He's about 4.5 months old now.

Trevor is growing up way too fast, he looks closer to 15 than 13. And I just cannot believe he is going to be a freshman next year!!! Remember when you used to babysit him? HA! Remember the time I had to go out of town over night for work and you stayed with Trev at the duplex and had a heart attack because Wolverine ran down the basement steps in the middle of the night and sounded like a person?! Wolverine is still fat and sassy and still sounds like a person on the stairs. ahahahahahahaha....

I miss you a bunch....XO

Love,
Chapin

Discussions about you....

This past weekend we drove past where your wedding reception was and it was snowing and blowing much like that same night. Andy and I had a good laugh remembering that you were so worried about me driving that night because of the weather and in your mind I had been drinking, which I had not, at all, because I was still trying to recover from your bachelorette party ("what happened to Chapin? I think 3 bottles of wine happened to Chapin"). So we loaded you and RP into the back of my Impala along with like 8 whole cheesecakes and some decorations and off we went. You kept asking if I was ok to drive, I had to keep reminding you I was completely sober. We got to your house and you HAD to have Taco Bell, but I wouldn't take you unless you got out of your wedding dress and put some clothes on. hahahahaha....So you finally changed and you and I left the boys at the house and went to Taco Bell. Where you proceeded to order approx. $30 some odd dollars of Taco Bell and after every single item you requested "extra nacho cheese". We had loads of food and about 20 little containers of nacho cheese. HAHAHAHAHAHA....Then Andy and I talked about how much you LOVED that cheese when you were drunk, so much so that when you threw a big glob of it onto my car seat you proceeded to scoop it up on a finger and eat it, Oscar fur and all lady! BAHAAHAHAHAHAHA....Oh man you were so grossed out when I told you about that a couple days later. And the other surprise of that night was Andy and I took 2 of the cheesecakes home with us and when we opened one to have some.....there were finger fulls scooped out....yep, while riding home after the reception you opened just about every cheesecake back there and ate some with your bare hands. Wedding dress and all....


I miss you so much....


Love, 
Chapin